Some days are just way too long than the others… not in terms of the moments that pass you by, but in terms of the impact that these moments have on your pysche, your inner most spaces…even when they weren’t meant to tread those realms.
Seemingly beautiful to begin with…all bright and sunny, after days of clouded gloom and pouring heavens…but only as beautiful as a Jelly fish is till it releases its deadly venom which leaves you numb, or even dead! Yes, it was one of those days…. Hearing the news of the death of a batchmate, and a friend can be an experience non-parail… Indescribable, Incredible… Shock is a mere understatement, to see an unfulfilled life getting nipped in the bud. I aint wanna write an obit, that wouldnt serve any purpose, nor would it make any sense, given than after the first year in college, we charted basically different teritories… yet there is something deep inside that feels a sense of sorry.. of realizing the (f)utility of all these friendships, and relationships, and even the memories that only make the one carrying them harder to live with. Yes, it was one of those strange days that make you feel awfully puny and inconsequential in the larger scheme of someone directing the whole show! But, then the beauty of life is that the harder it becomes to live with, the more you want to cling on.
Hmm, getting back to the anatomy of death… the waste of a life…the indelible scar that some who commit suicide, leave on their acquaintances who outlive them. Is it just the act of giving up without a fight, or may be after a valiant fight… or cowardice, or selfishness. Whatever name, we may give it. In the end, it doesnt even matter. The “gone” goes to a world where these emotions make little sense, the “remnants” are anyways too shattered to even try thinking of these!
Someone rightly said.. “All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.” We try so hard to understand these complexities, to try and conquer them…without realizing the ultimate futility of it all. The only truth is that they left…both Mallu and Manu, and we will never have them again!I
I seriously dont know why I wrote this post, probably the most incoherent…yet, some times some things just dont make sense. Searching for a quantum of solace, may be…
